>> there was no other way for me to escape that environment. it wasn't -- i didn't get abused physically or sexually or any other way, but i did not love my parents then, i did not feel like i was loved, and i just did not feel i could be there anymore. >> whatever he told me was pretty common stuff that occurs in a lot of families. what was so wrong that they had to be murdered? what was so wrong in your family? >> i have no idea. >> even with all these years to look back? >> i have no idea. i wish i had a good reason why i did what i did because at least then there might be some way of justifying it, but there's not. there's no way to justify what i did. >> he had no emotion about it, and he didn't have any kind of response or real answer as to why, and i couldn't figure out if he knew and didn't want to tell us, if he had buried something and was in deep denial, or if he was just an amoral person. >> i mean, i talked about it in court, and they said i had no remorse because i was so matter of fact, and that's not the case. i mean, the fact i